TAKING THE CORN DOG TO NEW HIGHTS

THE OTHER DAY, MARCH 21ST TO BE EXACT, LORD HIGH WINGNUT AND I TOOK SEVERAL YOUNG PEOPLE (DUKE DIPPY DOG AND FIVE OF HIS BOY SCOUT BUDS AND LIL' LO-HI-WI, AKA CHARLOTTE, LORD HIGH WINGNUTS DAUGHTER) ON A DAY HIKE.
LORD HIGH WINGNUT ALSO KNOWN AS HIKE MASTER GENERAL CHOSE WIND MOUNTAIN FOR OUT DESTINATION. THIS IS A LESSER KNOWN TRAIL ON THE WASHINGTON SIDE OF THE COLUMBIA GORGE. ITS ABOUT A FOUR MILE ROUND TRIP HIKE WITH 1200 FEET OF ELEVATION GAIN.
OF COURSE THIS BEING "NATIONAL CORN DOG DAY" WE TOOK THE OPPORTUNITY TO EDUCATE THE IMPRESSIONABLE YOUNG MINDS IN OUR CARE ABOUT THE HOLIDAY. WE STOPPED AT A MARKET IN STEVENSON WASHINGTON. WHEN WE WENT INSIDE WE FOUND THAT THEY ONLY HAD FIVE CORN DOGS. I ANNOUNCED THAT THIS WOULD NOT DO AND EXPLAINED THAT IT WAS NATIONAL CORN DOG DAY. THE CLERK WAS SURPRISED THAT WE TOO WERE AWARE OF THIS HOLIDAY AND SHE WAS QUICK TO FRY UP SOME FRESH ONES JUST FOR US!
WE SOON HAD A GAGGLE OF NEW BORNS IN OUR POSSESSION ALONG WITH NINE GRAPE CRUSH SODAS. (THIS IS THE OFFICIAL BEVERAGE OF SCOUTING) THESE WERE
MOST DELICIOUS AND SATISFYING.
AFTER NOURISHING OURSELVES WE WERE OFF TO WIND MOUNTAIN. THIS WAS A BEAUTIFUL AND CHALLENGING HIKE AT LEAST CHALLENGING TO A ROTUND FELLA LIKE MYSELF. WE MADE THE TREK TO THE TOP. ONCE WE HAD ALL TAKEN IN THE VIEW AND RESTED A FEW MINUTES I PULLED OUT A STRAY WE HAD SAVED FOR THE OCCASION.
WE MANIPULATED A FLAT ROCK AT THE VERY TOP AND THEN USING THE STICKS WE SAVED FROM OUR CORN DOG SNACK WE PROPPED UP A LONE CORN DOG ON TOP OF WIND MOUNTAIN!
AS WE HEADED DOWN THE TRAIL BACK TO THE VAN THE BOYS PROUDLY DECLARED TO ALL WE MET THAT IT WAS NATIONAL CORN DOG DAY AND THAT WE HAD PLACED A CORN DOG ON TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN IN HONOR OF THE OCCASION.

COUNTING CORN DOGS!

OFFICIAL TERMS FOR VARIOUS CORN DOG QUANTITIES AS RECOGNIZED BY
THE ROYAL ORDER OF THE CORN DOG.

1 = "SINGLE" OR "STRAY" 2 = "BREEDERS"
3 = "SMALL FAMILY" 4 = "DOUBLE DATE"
5 = "LARGE FAMILY" 6 = "SIX PACK"
7 = "CATHOLIC FAMILY" 8 = "HERD"
9 = "GAGGLE" 10 = "PERFECTION"
11 = "MORMON FAMILY" 12 = "DOZEN"
13 = "FRYERS DOZEN" 14 = "GATHERING"
15 + = "A PLETHORA"

WHILE CORN DOGS IN QUANTITIES OF FIFTEEN OR MORE ARE CORRECTLY
REFERRED TO AS A PLETHORA YOU MAY DESCRIBE THESE MORE SPECIFICALLY
USING A COMBINATION OF THE TERMS LISTED ABOVE.

EXAMPLE: I BOUGHT TWO HERDS AND A STRAY. = 17

PERFECT TIMING

It was 11:30 AM on a Thursday. My partner Joe, (Battle Ground Battalion Chief for the Royal Order of the Corn Dog) and I had just completed a job. We were in down town Milwaukie and we were hungry!
As luck would have it we were only two blocks from my favorite corn dog connection. Town Grocery and Deli. I didn't have to twist Joe's arm.
Upon entering this mecca for the meat twinkie on a stick we found our quarry basking in the warm glow of the heat lamps. There with all of the other deep fried delectable in the deli case was a golden mountain of unsuspecting corn dogs all nestled snugly together.
In addition to the plethora of fresh corn dogs and other common deli case fare we spied something new to us. We saw what appeared to be a pair of giant tater tots. They were labeled
"Hash Brown Sticks". They were about five inches in length and twice the diameter of a regular
tater tot. They were sold two for .99 cents.
Temporarily distracted but undeterred by the discovery we pressed forward and ordered up a pair of breeders each. Joe was soon as impressed with this place as I am.
We went out to our work van to enjoy our dogs. As we ate we discovered a thin vein of uncooked batter in a couple of our dogs. At first we were concerned but the dogs were nice and hot. The batter was nice and sweet.
When we were finished we began to discuss the mega tots. Also we recalled seeing an extra bottle of mystery sauce next to the catsup and mustard. As we contemplated what it may have been, and knowing that they served bento we thought it could be teriyaki sauce. Soon we had convinced ourselves that a corn dog isn't all that different from tempura chicken or pork. This meant a return trip inside for another corn dog and the mystery sauce.
The sauce turned out to be sweet and sour. We couldn't resist the lure of the mega tots so we ordered some along with our dogs. We were both pleased with our experiment and the mega tots.
While mustard remains the perfect marriage material, a date with sweet and sour sauce here and there could be a nice change of pace. A little international twist on an old standard.

HOW MUCH FOR THAT CORNDOG IN THE WINDOW?

The other night the Lord High Wingnut and I (Benevolent Potentate) took my son, Duke Dippy Dog to find a scratchin' post that could take care of our corn dog itch!
Originaly we went to the Clackamas Town Center to try Hot Dog on a Stick. We were taken back by the $2.75 price tag! Yep, thats right 275 pennies for just one corn dog.
From this we were able to deduct that mall going corn dog eaters are .......... well ..........MORONS! We could think of no good reason for a corn dog of standard proportion not containing any precious metals and being incapable of performing any circus tricks to cost more than $1.50. This being the case, coupled with the complete lack of effort of any HDoaS employees to serve us we retreated from the mall and headed out to 82nd ave.
We acted on a rumor that Dairy Queen had good corn dogs. As luck would have it DQ was right next to the mall. Apon arriving we were in for a second round of sticker shock. $1.99 each! This led us to our second moment of deductive reasoning............ after hour corn dog addicts are soon to be broke! So.......... realizing that our evening corn dog hankerin' put us at the mercy of unscrupulous hucksters and not wanting to waste any more time wandering the wilds of south east pdx we decided to pony up fist fulls of hard earned cash for three corn dogs. While the price was high the corn dogs didnt dissapoint. They were golden brown and from the smell and taste the fryer oil was fresh. Each of us went with the prefered condiment of the Royal Order of the Corn Dog, yellow mustard. These were your standard chicken dogs.
So in conclusion if you find your self with an evening craving for a corn dog and you have the $$$ then Dairy Queen can hook you up.